My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
