I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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