i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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