If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
