I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
