Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
