I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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