Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
