Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
