Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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