Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
