i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
