I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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