I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
