i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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