So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
