You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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