I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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