He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
