no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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