I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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