We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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