I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
