Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
