I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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