He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
