you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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