Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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