one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
