so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
