yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
