operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
