Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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