No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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