I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
