can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
