If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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