with your own penis?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
