This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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