i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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