girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
