no, he came in my armpit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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