Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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