Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
