you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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