jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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