I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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