I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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