And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
