I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
