so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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