At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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