omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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