Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
