Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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