I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
