Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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