he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
