My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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