How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
