Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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