im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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