the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
