THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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