is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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