I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
