Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
