2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
