Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
