so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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