Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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