someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
