I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
