just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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