i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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