It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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