apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
