I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
