Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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