So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
